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Location: Sarawak, Malaysia

Friday, April 22, 2011

Everything wrong with the King of Fighters movie.

So for the heck of it, here is everything I see wrong with the Hollywood made King of Fighters movie, as I watch it.

1. Maggie Q as Mai Shiranui is probably the biggest miss-cast ever.

2. Mr. Big was a young guy with a head full of hair.

3. Iori and Mai are dating.

4. Terry Bogard is an middle-aged CIA agent.

5. Rugal looks like a bum and uses GUNS.

6. One minute Rugal is easily losing to Chizuru and then Mai, and the next he easily beat Iori.

7. Saisyu Kusanagi is a patient at a nuthouse. And his son Kyo (or Ki-Yo) is a gaijin.

8. Kyo rides a bike that looks like the one Ryo Sakazaki used in the Art Of Fighting games.

9. When Kyo was a kid, he was asian. I am NOT making this up.

10. Saisyu has a heart attack after meeting Iori.

11. Vice & Mature are Lesbians. Fan-fiction writers rejoice.

12. Vice & Mature lost to John Cena in a handicap match.

13. They name drop Ramon and Shermie, but we don’t see them.

14. Vice used Blue Mary’s ground leg-lock.

15. Mature fights with tonfas, and nothing like the game character she is based on.

16. Flying ball of snakes. They appeared earlier in the fight between Mai and Mr. Big, but I thought that was a one-off thing.

17. Iori actually looked like a passable Iori when he switched to Orochi mode.

18. Seriously, I may not have played every KOF game thoroughly, but I would definitely remember the flying ball of snakes.

19. Why was Chizuru in a wheel chair when she could get up and walk without any trouble?

20. Would it kill them to let Mai wear something red like the character she’s based on?

21. Why is there a patch on Rugal’s karate gi that says “Storm Team Instructor”?

22. Rugal, dressed like Geese Howard, fighting with a bo-staff. Yeah.

23. Mai beats up Vice & Mature with a garbage can. Because using a fan like her actual character isn’t hardcore enough.

24. If they are going to have a scene where Mai and Terry fight nameless jabronis, why not dress up the jobbers like characters from the game? It would be a cheap and easy way to get in more characters from the game without having any build up….and crush the hearts of fans of those characters all the same.

25. Terry steals his trademark cap from some random bum.

26. Despite showing Kyo training with his father, the guy has no fighting skill whatsoever and depends too much on a sword.

27. Just when you think Kyo is going to power up and finally beat Rugal’s ass, he uses the sword again.

28. Terry picked up his cap and dusts himself off. If they ended that with him uttering his famous catchphrase “OK” while putting his cap on, it would have somewhat redeemed the character.

Overall, this movie was every bit as bad as I expected it to be when they first started showing behind the scenes glimpses while the movie was still in production. We’re talking Uwe Bowell levels of QUALITY here. I wonder if SNK-Playmore are even aware that this movie was made using the KOF characters? The fight scenes were horrible and adding flames to the strikes didn’t help. Was it really that hard to incorporate something from the game when it came to the fight scenes? You all probably don’t need me to say this, but stay away from this garbage pile of a movie.

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